The Sentence After the Goodbye

Chapter 1Good Afternoon

"Good afternoon," Chani told Mrs. Weiss.

That was the sentence. Two ordinary words outside the Bais Yaakov library.

Mrs. Weiss, wearing her brown sheitel, had asked where the new history books belonged. Chani had shown her, helped with the box, and said goodbye.

Then Chani wondered whether good afternoon sounded too formal.

Perhaps she should have said thank you. Perhaps she should have offered to carry the empty box. Perhaps she had smiled strangely.

By the time she reached home, Mrs. Weiss's books had traveled to their shelf once. Chani's goodbye had traveled through her head sixteen times.

Chapter 2The Imaginary Answer

Chani sat at the kitchen table with her geography book.

In her mind, Mrs. Weiss said, What an odd girl.

Mrs. Weiss hadn't said that outside the library. She had said, Thank you, dear.

Chani remembered the real words clearly. It didn't stop her inventing different ones.

She tried another version of the goodbye, one in which she sounded warm, confident, and exactly like a girl Mrs. Weiss would like.

Then she found something wrong with that version too.

The geography page remained open at the same map.

Chapter 3One More Time

Her sister Malky came in with a bowl of apple slices.

"Do you think good afternoon sounds strange?"

"Depends when you say it."

"In the afternoon."

Malky looked at her.

Chani explained the whole conversation. Malky thought it sounded ordinary.

Five minutes later, Chani asked whether saying thank you would have been better.

Malky put down an apple slice.

"I already told you what I think. Is something new worrying you?"

Nothing new had happened. The same few seconds were wearing a different coat.

Chapter 4Mama's Chair

Mama came in wearing her soft gray tichel and sat beside Chani.

"I keep trying to fix something that's over," Chani said.

Mama asked whether there was an actual hurtful remark, wrong information, or unfinished responsibility to put right.

Chani thought carefully.

She had given Mrs. Weiss the right shelf. The box had been put where the librarian wanted it. She hadn't insulted anyone.

"I just don't know what she thought of me."

"You may not get that answer," Mama said.

Chani didn't like the missing answer.

But replaying her own goodbye hadn't produced it either.

Chapter 5The Map Still Open

Chani wanted Mama to promise that Mrs. Weiss had liked her.

Mama hadn't been at the library. Such a promise would only be another imagined conversation.

"I can sit with you for a few minutes," Mama said. "What were you doing before the replay?"

"Geography."

Chani looked at the map.

She chose the first question and found the river it named.

The thought about good afternoon returned before she finished writing.

She didn't have to win an argument against it. She could notice that it was the same replay, then go back to the river.

It took longer than usual. The question still got answered.

Chapter 6Not a Rule for Every Goodbye

By supper, Chani had finished the page.

"Should I make a rule to say goodbye instead?" she asked.

Mama smiled a little.

"There are plenty of kind ways to end a conversation. You don't need a perfect phrase for every person."

If Chani actually said something unkind, she could apologize. If she made a mistake in the directions, she could correct it.

But she didn't need to prepare an apology for an imagined opinion she couldn't read.

She helped bring the supper bowls to the table.

For a while, her mind stayed with what her hands were doing.

Chapter 7The Next Box

Two days later, Chani saw Mrs. Weiss carrying another box into the library.

For an instant, she wanted to ask what Mrs. Weiss had thought about the last goodbye.

Instead she held the door.

"These are for the younger girls," Mrs. Weiss said.

"Their shelf is over here."

They put the box down together.

Chani spoke normally. She didn't inspect every smile or pause for a verdict on the earlier conversation.

When Mrs. Weiss left, Chani said goodbye.

Then she returned the library book she had brought.

Chapter 8A Thought Without Another Visit

Walking home, Chani remembered the second goodbye.

Her mind offered to review that one too.

"Another replay," she said quietly.

There was an actual thing to remember: she needed to bring her history notebook the next morning. She kept that useful thought and let the imaginary conversation go unfinished.

It returned once while she was setting out her books. She put the history notebook in her bag and continued.

She wasn't certain what Mrs. Weiss thought of her. She didn't have to be.

If replays kept taking over her work or rest, she would tell Mama and ask for more help.

For today, the conversation had ended outside the library.

Her afternoon could end somewhere else.