The Clock She Turned Away

Chapter 1Ten Forty-Seven

The bedside clock said ten forty-seven.

Sorah had been in bed for twenty minutes.

Tomorrow she would read a short piece at the Bais Yaakov assembly. Her page was ready in her bag. Mrs. Adler had practiced with her that afternoon.

At ten forty-eight, she checked the clock again.

If she slept now, there would be enough hours.

If she didn't, there would be fewer.

She began counting before she had finished the thought.

The page in the bag was prepared.

The night in her head had become another task she had to pass.

Chapter 2Ten Fifty-One

Sorah closed her eyes tightly.

She ordered herself to fall asleep.

A cart passed outside. Her brother closed his bedroom door. Someone in the kitchen put a cup on a saucer.

Each sound seemed to mean another minute had escaped.

She opened her eyes.

Ten fifty-one.

Only three minutes had passed since the last look, but her chest felt tight with hurry.

She sat up and called Mama.

Mama came in wearing her soft striped tichel.

Chapter 3What Was Ready

Sorah told her about the counting.

Mama sat beside the bed.

"Let's separate tomorrow's preparation from tonight's worry. Is your page ready?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where to meet Mrs. Adler?"

"By her classroom before the assembly."

If Sorah needed help in the morning, Mama and the teacher would help her then.

They didn't need to hold a practice assembly in the bedroom to prove it would go well.

Sorah looked at the clock.

Ten fifty-five.

She wanted a promise that she would fall asleep in the next five minutes.

Chapter 4The Promise Mama Didn't Make

Mama couldn't choose the exact minute sleep would come.

She could stay a little while and help Sorah follow their ordinary quiet bedtime routine.

"You don't have to win an argument with the clock," she said.

Sorah loosened her grip on the blanket.

They turned the clock so its bright face pointed toward the wall. Mama could check the time when it was needed.

Sorah didn't have to keep collecting numbers.

The clock still existed.

So did the morning.

Neither needed her to watch every minute move from one to the other.

Chapter 5The Sentence on the Shelf

Sorah remembered a sentence she wanted to ask Mrs. Adler about.

Mama brought a scrap of paper and pencil from the shelf.

Sorah wrote the question once and put it beside her bag.

It was a real question she could bring in the morning.

Then she wanted to rewrite the question more clearly, review her piece again, and decide exactly how she would stand.

Mama pointed gently to the page.

"The question is recorded. You can leave tomorrow's work there."

Sorah lay down again.

Leaving it felt unfinished inside her, even though the words were on paper.

Chapter 6Rest Without a Score

Mama sat quietly for a few minutes.

Sorah still felt awake.

She noticed the pressure of the pillow beneath her cheek and the familiar blanket around her shoulders.

She didn't report each moment to Mama as proof that nothing was working.

Mama wasn't giving her a secret trick with a guaranteed sleeping time.

She was helping her stop making wakefulness into a new alarm every minute.

When Mama went to the next room, Sorah knew she could call if she needed help.

At some point the next thought became a dream.

She never checked which minute it happened in.

Chapter 7The Morning Question

In the morning, Sorah felt tired.

Mama listened rather than saying the turned clock had fixed everything.

They went through the ordinary morning together.

At school, Sorah took the scrap to Mrs. Adler, whose hair was covered by her brown sheitel.

The teacher answered the question about her piece and helped her find her place.

Sorah paused in the middle of the reading.

She looked at the page and continued.

The pause wasn't evidence that last night's minutes had ruined the whole morning.

When she sat down, she was glad the piece was finished.

Chapter 8Not Every Night

That evening, Mama asked about both the assembly and the night before.

Sorah told her she had kept counting because she was afraid of tomorrow.

They agreed that if difficult nights continued, they would get more help from a suitable grownup professional. Sorah did not have to manage repeated sleep trouble alone.

For this evening, the bag was packed and the bedtime routine was the usual one.

She left the clock facing away from the bed.

It wasn't a rule that would force sleep to happen.

It was one less thing to turn into a scoreboard.

Tomorrow's page had a place in her bag.

Tonight had room for rest, even before she knew exactly when she would sleep.